technology... a crutch yet a fix
our lives are ruled by its notion
i go on to the towson library
filled with facebook and myspace computer screens

i walk around campus
only to see people talking on their mobile phones
there's no checking out people anymore
or good ole coffee chats
well it is there...just harder to find

i thought technology was supposed to make our lives easier?
we're all so transfixed on what it does
we fail to see what it steals
technology...a fix yet a crutch:)

Change the only constant. In a world of continual change, we can only remain flexible and follow the path that leads to internal joy. Beyond what society wants or thinks or what money you have. To remain in this and to choose acceptance and open-mindedness over ego. To become the change you wish to see or more precisely to follow the path that truly brings you inner peace. That is the way... beyond money and fear. To continually learn, react, and then create according to your passions. To see issues globally and then to improve more upon that taking it as a lesson from someone else that all directly affects us since we are all a part of nature that binds us all together. To learn nature and our true self. Nothing is concrete either. As with it all, it is the process and path of following your intuition which is rewarding, not the ultimate goal for it always changes.

To do things without any ego these days is a hard thing to come by. In modern day society, what you do for money dictates who are. How much of it you make dictates your social status. It is hard to see past this facade, but time and time again, monetarism is shown on the deepest core as another way of exploitation. People fail to see this on the bigger level. They would rather be ignorant and worry about sports or the next reality TV show. It is sad that sex and attraction have to manifest directly with materialism on some levels. It is hard in this day and age to even make simple conversations with people. Obviously there is something wrong with the system in which we can't even have a decent community. Where paranoia and fear predominate everything else. Sometimes it seems to me that we have gotten so technologically advanced that we have failed to see that we are working just as hard if not harder and yet we fail to see that the things we need the most is really love, community, trust, lasting friendships, nature, simplicity, and inner peace. Even without religion, I believe this is necessary in order for us to evolve with technology. If we continue to turn a blind eye on what we feel internally, we will be headed down the wrong path to destruction. If we continue to feed exploitation, monetarism, corporations, we will never have an emergent society. We will continue to be secretive, competitive against ourselves and others, combative, and generally tense. If there wasn't wasn't the issue of materialism, we would appreciate everyone as an equal in this world including animals and plants. We wouldn't over-consume. Yet, time and time again, we live according to old doctrines, laws, and religion. We fail to see all of the choices we have to create our own reality according to what you want personally without the interference of ego.

There is a void in this world that I want to break. A void where people can actually communicate, trust, and love one another for who they are. Where traditional ways of thought are replaced with inner thoughts of what really would bring unity in this world and self. Life really is beautiful, abundant, and forgiving.., but in order to see this, we must forgive ourselves and be renewed by a new tran of thought. To follow love and peace instead of responding to fear and paranoia. I really do see this light at the end of the tunnel. I believe in the power of creativity, connection, nature, and love.

The term "as above, so below" is what is needed to see. If we stopped to look at the outside for answers and instead look on the inside, you will know that the answers to your passion and peace has been there all along. Once we find this, inner peace will turn into external peace. One love.

It is so hard to live in today's society. In a world where technology is supposed to make life more simple, it has in fact made life more complex. The age of our times is a world where there is so many people, yet so little connection. Where only your status and degree of importance according to society dictates who you are as a person. Society is poisonous and isn't about the common good of mankind. It thrives on greed. Instead of wanting to work together, most people are clicky and about only about money in a supposedly world based on scarcity that technology can't fix yet. Distractions run rapidly everywhere and it is almost impossible to reach a level of actualized improvement and creativity. When you have to do things that are redundant and away from your actualized life, it makes you question which life was better... the old life or the current life.. I can only base things on the current feelings that I have and the energies that come along with it. To my viewpoint, I feel that there is this huge void in life. A void that needs to be touched to actually question what freedom really is. Is it a society dictating to us what is free or not, or is it the knowledge of knowing internally what is free and what is slavery? That is the question we need to ask instead of worrying about paying for next months rent and bills. The current realm of society.. where everyone feels this void yet no-one speaks about it and would rather just be lazy.. it truly is the age of our times and only time will tell if we will work together as a whole unit or if we still live in this separatist type of world. It is no longer about who is stronger or not.. it is more a matter of how many resources are left and how we can easily renew this and how we can work as a whole unit within the natural world to create a symbiotic relationship between the two... not the society concrete jungle that we live in where nature is non-existent. I don't feel comfortable with humans nowadays... I want to be myself, but I feel that there is always something I have to prove to them to make myself more than who I am. It sucks that we have to live under such masks in life. It shouldn't be how it is, but it is. Girls are so quick to judge you when they don't even know who you are. Perhaps I don't have the best clothes according to your fashion magazine or I am not the most handsome of guys. Perhaps because I don't talk the talk. It doesn't matter cause to them, because these very ideals dictate who you are. Not who you are internally.. who you are within a sick society and how you can adapt to such circumstances. It makes me negative and also pessimistic that such exists in our world. Hopefully in a time to come, it will change.. hopefully.....

to obtain peace is a very hard thing.....there are so many distractions everywhere you go to just achieve what you were meant to do in this world.  to be a free spirited individual with a collective peaceful embracement... does it exist?  i want to grow with humans..., i want people to be happy everywhere instead of being stuck to their addictions.  sometimes i wonder if it will ever exist...  we are living in an interesting age where we all have to work together as a whole in order to survive as a species.  there shouldn't be countries and bubbles that exclude people.  if there is poverty somewhere, we need to fix that...  if you want to make music, you should be able to do this when you want...  i don't want to be stuck in a system where you just work from day to day doing something you don't like.  we need to change as a species for it is very sickening now..  i feel it in the air... in the collective unconcious...we must not live in a world of scarcity for our minds and ingenuity can bring about a solution to many things.  we have the power to work as a free world... we just have to want it..the choice is ours and we must change soon or it could be too late.  i am tired of living in a world of paranoia....of fear... of hatred...  i want it to be a change of conciousness including within me...  i am tired of corporations controling our days everyday.. how your life will never be fulfilled without a  certain product... it isn't the way to live and i hate a world based on status within materialism..  we have so much more to live for than this shallow level of existence.  it makes me sad that we are still living in this type of way..the sort of change needed is on holistic thinking.  we are one organic species that are entangled through quantum physics.  one thing always affects another thing as said in the butterfly effect.  the problem i see with current humanity is that  we are all way too selfish to see the world as a whole.  we like certain comfort levels and don't feel the need to change despite what is the truth of the matter at hand.  we should not be living in a world of scarcity as i have stated before.  we need to develop our creative minds to find solutions to problems within the world at hand.  things dont have to be complex.  they really don't..  i am for a change of awareness globally and within me.  as above, so below!

We are in such a paranoid society right now.  nobody trusts anyone and it is SO hard to make good lasting friendships.  sometimes i hate dealing with it all.  the cycle of human behavior that you always see everyday.  the hustle and bust of everything. it frustrates me to know that our human interaction is based on a lot of quick judgements that people make about others without really knowing what they are even about.  everyone is so greedy and noone wants to live as a world of one instead of in a community.  it makes me interested that we think that we are above nature.   the fact of the is that matter is neither created nor destroyed but merely just changes form.  we are living in a world of illusion.  where the cement buildings and light are what is real to us.  we made our own video game and probably ourselves as well.  i don't think many people question whether they find how we would be nothing without the sun that constantly shines everyday as a constant reminder of what the world is about intrinsically.  we are such complex species but yet so primative as well.  i don't understand how we as people are living in a world of scarcity when we have gotten so technologically advanced where it shouldn't be an issue.  i hate greed and i hate it when people suffer from such problems.  we shouldn't be living in such a world but unfortunately greedy corporations and elites decided to go the other route to create problems instead of education.  we have gone too far and we need to reevaluate our conciousness.  this current society worldwide is sick and for someone to think of it as normal is sick themselves.

Seperation is everywhere.  nobody wants to work together despite how much they say otherwise.  this is by far one of the biggest problems facing humans in todays day and age.  people believe that success is dictated by your status, job, amount of money, and car which just doesn't stand up when you are on your death bed.  The problem is that it is so exonified in todays society, that people don't see what they are doing.  until we reach a compromise with nature, the universe, and people as a whole unit rather than country..., we will always be at odds with one another.  people preach about diplomacy and peace, but yet when I look around the corner, there is another holy war starting killing in the name of religion.  it isn't the way and is just another mere way of having control and being seperate.  we are living in this constant feedback loop of pain and agony.  until we start fessing up to our real problems in the world, we will always be at war with one another.  the question is..., which side do you pick?  choose today before it is to late.  it only takes a philosophical stance!

people are crazy.  i am crazy.  the world is in a state of bad times currently. I feel it in my heart and soul.  There are too many people in a finite resource planet that only has so much to give.  Everybody has this vision that they are above nature when in reality they are a part of the system and a part of nature that made them.  sometimes it saddens me to know that people spend most of their lives trying to find love in the wrong places, finding friends that simply just come and go, finding it that in reality, most people just want more money so that they can live more in sloth.  i believe we have this disconnect with who we really are as people.  Our role in the world, society, and our Earth in general.  Everyday, I feel irked that some people just don't care.  They have already lost hope and they want to pull other people down with them like a sick virus does.  I am tired of seeing the world sick.... I am tired of having to deal with cutthroat economics and seperatism.  It is all this deadly virus that is spreading around the one and only organism we have.  Our Earth as an organic species.  Some people like to use politics, religion, or culture to prove of our seperatism and control, but I try to show my face and hair that we both have.  It is a sad world.  A war with itself is a war and world destined for doom.  If only people can get along more as a whole and see things in a bigger view than just merely a tradition or culture.  Not to say that it isn't important.  It is to say that there are bigger issues out there that we need to focus our energy on besides merely following what has been done for 3000 years.   This obviously isn't working in our present day state.  When antibiotics don't work, you have to make a better one that will kill off the bacteria.  The same is true with our world.  When traditions aren't seeming to work in today's age, one must adapt to the current situation. 

Today has been a very interesting day for myself.  Maybe you can take something away from this.  It has been a lifelong memory, experience, and lesson for me that will never be forgotten.  We all really need to live everyday like its our last for we never really do know when our last day could be.  Today, I have looked death in the face once more in a very close and almost fatal incident.  Today, I decided to go to a colline (hill in france) to think about life, my future plans, and to absorb the beauty of Marseille.  It turned out to be a very spiritual experience for me which was both great and also very bad at the same time.  It took a while to climb up to the colline and to find out how to get there.  I finally found a path and decided to go up to the very top of the hill.  It was a huge hill (more like a mountain) and made it up there after a few hours.  I got to the top and thought about all the perils in my life.... my relationships... my dreams... my friends...  everything.  I saw a kingdom in front of my eyes and was astounded by its sheer beauty as I started playing Yann Tierson and absorbing not only the smog but the summit of ideas and thoughts that was made in the oldest city in France.  I was so amazed that it very well was the start of France as people know it today.  I went through some rough times with my thoughts and I decided to meditate and also to talk my problems out to my personal audio recorder.  It was very dramatic free flowing my thoughts into words and a cacophony of feels came out.  I took pictures of my time up there and I enjoyed the splendors of finally making it to the very top after many detours and wrong paths I took beforehand. 

As I was starting to leave, I heard a very loud bang that sounded like a gunshot.  I thought I heard a bullet fly past me.  I looked down and sure enough there were these two French thugs who were probably drinking and decided to shoot at me.  The French people I talked to afterwards said that they were just hunting because there are wild boars on top of these collines.  I beg to differ because it really looked like they were squatting down and aiming at me.  Of course I could have been overreacting but when I see someone with a shotgun pointing in my general direction possibly shooting at me, I don't think you would feel the same either.  I began to turn around and run as fast as I could the other way.  The two hunters/thugs were on the path that I came from before so I needed to find another path to take to get downwards.  As my adrenaline was rushing through me, I began to think that it really could  be my last moments on Earth as I would get shot in the back at any moment.  I began jumping down the cliff and had many scratches on my hands and feet from trying to escape as fast as I could. There were a lot of wrong paths that had very high cliffs which I had to go the other way.  I began to hear more gunshots and was even more frightened.  I began to take cover at a tree and call my friend Julie.  They told me to relax, but I was far from relaxed... I THOUGHT they were shooting at me!  I felt like a prey and was being very cautious where I would go.  As I am panting in fear, I finally find a path that goes all the way down.  I fly down this path almost falling a few times in cliffs.  I eventually got down.  As I get to the bottom, I was welcomed by German Shephard dogs that didn't have a leash and wanted to take a bit of me.  Luckily some guy called them off before the dogs did this.  I finally make it to the bottom.

I was so Euphoric because I thought I was going to die at any moment and I thought I was the hunted.  I began to laugh at it all and was so glad to be alive and in one piece.  I then went home and went out with my French friend Julie's birthday.  The cheese (fromage) and wine tasted sooo good..  Having good company and being indulged in such a rare opportunity..

I began to realize that I need to wake up some..  Life really could end at any moment and you never know when it could be your last.  I thought the day before how I would feel so unsatisfied if I died now.  I never had a girlfriend relationship that I am proud of, I don't have many close close close friends (you know the kind you can talk to anything about), I have so many sexual fantasies that needs to be fulfilled, so many new ideas and adventures I need to take on, so many dreams (for me music) that I have never really started yet... I began to realize that it is now or never..  Time doesn't wait for anyone and if you are at the wrong place at the wrong time, it could be the end.  

I am glad that this happened today for I know that I need to step things up a little more.  I need to start living my life and going after what I want in life... You only get one chance and time rolls by soo fast (how am I almost 28 years old???? I remember when I was 18).. You have to start living your dreams and try the best at things.  Things don't come to you on a platter... You have to work hard for them (I worked hard for my life today).  I don't want to be on my deathbed knowing that I have so many things left unresolved.  Some people say they don't have regrets, but I have a lot... most of it is because of inaction or being indecissive..  I need to get a roll on things... I don't care about money but unfortunately the world revolves around it..  I need to find a common medium where I am happy with what I do in life and also at the same time am able to live..  If people start thinking of life this way, I think the world would be a different place.  And the way things are working, 2012 might very well be this pivotal moment..  I need to start moving and get closer to my dreams... NOW!

Addiction to caffeine, to nicotine, to feelings, to people, to partners, to sex, to music, to traveling, to porn, to everything.  My point being that we are always addicted to the same feelings we experience day in and day out.  It is more comfortable to experience the same feelings than want to try something different.  We are all addicted to addictions and we just don't even know about it.  My point being that it isn't a bad thing to be somewhat indulged in things.  I think the troublesome part is when we are so closed-minded to trying something different that we lose all sense of adventure in seeing or doing things in a new way.  It is scary sometimes to experience the unknown.  To try something that may not work for us to achieve the same feelings.  Talking to someone new as opposed to someone in your typical cliche group is something that many people don't want to try.  People as well as myself sometimes close ourselves off to different possibilities in our infinite universe.  If we only started to see these addictions for what they are and try to remain flexible in the midst of it.  Imagine how much more we could experience new things and a new life.  The trick is to work past your fears and to try something that is beyond your comfort level.  Yes we really are all addicted indeed.

Everyone showing a fake side to their face.  Just because they don't want to be alone.  Everyone is in a big rush to go nowhere.  People trying to outdo the others...  An endless cycle of greed and lust.  We must always prove to the next girl/boy that we are more fit than the other male/female.  A fake shedding of confidence is all it takes.  Hesitation in this world shows as unconfident, but in reality is a more complex reality.  Distraction is everywhere!  Excessive noise in the city.... people playing constant mind games, Clothing being the end all be all.  It is all an illusion and there is no real essence of connection anymore.  Everything is fake beyond words in our reality whatever country you go to.

A way of showing your alpha male/female status.  That you are more fit than the other one next to you.  I look around me and everyone I see is attached to a partner.  It really makes you feel like you are lacking something that everyone else exhibits.  This is a philosophical dilemma that you always think you are the only one single and alone, but it isn't the case. 

I have become slightly misogynistic as of recently and for many reasons.  I feel like I am rejected by many girls for rather stupid reasons.  I fail to make the to make the girl desire for me.  The art of seduction...  It really is a game of mind-control and confidence.  The funny aspect of it all is that physical beauty is very common.  You can have a great look, but that only goes so far.

This is life.  C'est la vi.  The fake illusionment of it all.  The status driven materialistic society where nothing is what it seems.  It suprises me how some people live it every day without any problems!

life is weird....reality is weird...feelings are weird... sometimes, i think of how silly it really all is in the grand scheme of things. how incredibly small we are despite the fact that most people are meglomaniacs. when i am by myself most of the days, i really think these things through. how things are seemingly constantly moving in space and time..., how people make their decisions, how the art of seduction is recognized and gone in a matter of seconds...how we thrive for just basic things in life despite how complex we may think we are. in a way it makes me sick that i am part of the equation. that i can't escape my primal instincts...  that what i want is the same as what everyone else wants.  it makes me wonder why i am even an individual in the first place.  life is very bittersweet.  when things seem to be pleasant, something bad happens or vise versa..   people everywhere are arrogant on the deepest level, there is this impenetrable force that i can never escape.  this underlying energy that we all exhibit is just the same as a rock on the street.  we are all just vibrating strings.  when you alter a persons code through genetic modification, you change their energy.  perhaps this energy is the force behind everything..perhaps life really is but a dream..
 

We as humans change in time.. Sometimes the things you used to be good at back in the day are an ancient dinasour or rusty in the present time.... An example I would like to present is ringing in my one ear.  I don't think anyone really understands what I had to go through with this and still deal with currently.  Many of times it has been so annoying I actually wanted to cut my ear off.  Because of a slight mistake I made a long time ago when mixing down a song, I start thinking that my music life is finished because of this.  It is very hard to hear things the way I used to hear things.  Many people don't understand this.  Music sounds different.  Sounds in life are different.  Sometimes, it is hard to hear people talk or even learn a new language for that matter.  It is like a baseball player losing his arm and can't throw anymore.  We as humans encounter many bruises in life.  Some of these mistakes can prove near fatal and others are a wake up call.  I love music and will always love music.  Despite whatever limitations that I have, I will have to push through them and be careful in the future.  Life is finite and dreams are always on the backburner in today's competitive society.  There are so many distractions and there are so many things that can easily take you away from your passions and dreams no wonder why so many people lose hope.  You have to look at them for what they are and go with the flow in terms of distractions and changes to one's own physiology.  This is life at it's most simple simplification.  Be real and be free flowing.  Improvise!

I find this to be the truth with a lot of people that I meet as well as myself.  Why must there be this aspect that when we travel somewhere, we do many more things as opposed to when we live somewhere.  Is it because of TV, laziness,  or is it a frame of mind that one gets themselves into.  Could this possibly be the reason why people like to travel so much?  Could this be the reason why people tend to be soo much different when they travel?  I find it amazing that the locals I meet at places hardly ever check out the attractions while people that travel to the city MUST go to see these attractions.  I don't really understand this phenomenon and philosophy.  In all honesty, I really only like meeting people and absorbing the culture by living in it.  I hate the fact that there must be a work visa to live in another society or country and absorb the culture.  Why can't we look beyond borders and still maintain both the culture and customs but having more of an open policy.  Why can't we get a universal language that isn't based on another person's country?  If people would become a little more flexible, it would create a more open and positive community throughout the world and actually move people to want to experience new customs easier.  Is it really that hard to fanthom a change as such?

It is true..  The more and more you look at things, the more you can see that we are nothing but mere creatures in this world.  If you look at how animals act and then take a look at how humans interact with one another, there is only a slight degree of difference between the two.  The part that I  want to concentrate on with this whole post is the opposite sex/mating interaction.  The funny thing about things is that it isn't really needed in our society to possess such traits I believe.  With technology and genetic engineering becoming more feasible, this animalistic existence will surely soon  be eliminated.  I want to focus on what most females look for in a mate.  Mating is an existence of supply and demand.  The more attractive females look for the alpha-male because there is more competition for their availability.  They believe that breeding with such an alpha male will make the next offspring stronger.  The alpha male must prove to the female that they are more worthy than the other male.  This can be done through many way including verbal cues and overall attitude which leads the female to believe that they are worthy.  The funny aspect with this whole dillema stems  of many ludicrous facets which I deem unnecessary. 

Our current population is overfilled with people and is soon going to reach carrying capacity soon just as peak oil might occur soon if it hasn't happened already.  Our need for plastics and oil has given rise to an extra 4 billion people on this earth that is steadily rising with more demand for oil.  Unless we can find a different product replacement, we are going to wish that we haven't taken soo much oil. 

So why do females still rely on such a barbaric method of chosing their mates in such a complex, fake society where it is unneeded?  It is because our code is still present from millions of years of evolution.  Our evolution has led to our de-evolution (always trying to become more efficient without looking deeper) because people can't seem to look beyond this facet of the bigger picture.  This is the picture as realistic as I can seem to paint from what I have seen in my experiences.  It is just a shame that most people don't look beyond this and remain in the shallow end.   Everything energetic reaction in this world has an equal but opposite reaction, even if that reaction is negative.  The facet that all our actions stem from two behaviours.., the primal urge of sex and survival disturbs me.  Both aren't looked deep enough for the consequences that we are currently facing.  Which is why I will conclude..  Complex Compounds...but boiled down to just mere animals..

There is this weird phenomenon that I have been experiencing all of my life.  It basically is demented and makes no sense.  The philosophy basically states that you get what you want before you make your next change or movement in life.  You get what you want but you feel sad that you get it later than sooner.  This seems like the story of my life as I am sure is common with other people  Whether that phenomenon be finding a match, good friend, or someone that is into what you are into, things usually remain stagnant until you have already made other plans for something else.  It is so not fair and I don't know what to make of it all.  Maybe it is the devil putting a slant on the moments in our life.  Whatever it is, it is like coming so close to something all to have it washed over for the next passage in life.  Now is this true or am I just hallucinating?

For anyone planning on getting their wisdom teeth removed, let me just tell you that the whole experience was pretty spiritual and in the head.  Yes, the nitrous oxide really did put me onto a weird trip.  If I was to explain it, I would have to say that it is like being stoned without the paranoia.  I began thinking that the people taking out my teeth were of different origins and how you can see the seat to their soul in their eyes.  It was very odd because I started questioning whether people were good or bad based on how they looked in their eyes.  I also remember other things..  like for instance how the tooth really was an organism living inside of me.  I began to feel that every cell and every part of my body belonged to a huge network of separate species that combined into one.  I began to feel that my origins belonged to a very different galaxy than most other humans.  I felt special that I was able to have my life coming from such a far away galaxy.  I also felt some other weird things such as nationalities and the idea of belonging to one.  Sometimes I feel like there is this stigma associated belonging to a country.  Another thing is the idea of people in my associated homeland helping me out.  So low and behond..if you get a chance to get nitrous and lydocain, do that instead of going to sleep.  For some sadistic reason, I actually enjoyed the whole experience of a part of me being taken out.  Is that weird..  I don't know..  The journey was spiritual and is definitely recommended for others to do if needed.

In most people's day and age, it seems ever so hard to stay balanced in the game of life..  prioritizing what means the most to us and to dwindle what isn't really that important is simple to say but very hard to accomplish.  Sometimes I as well as many others fall out of balance in life.  We tend to fall into holes and ruts and wonder why our lives are so pathetic.  The answer to this equation isn't set in stone.  Sometimes it will take your whole life before you ultimately feel adequately balanced.  I find it hard to balance a social life, music life, traveling, and doing errands.  I find it hard to remain friends to those that really mean the most to me.  I find myself angry because I haven't done the things that I have wanted to do.  I think we all have this feeling.  We tend to compare ourselves to others and start feeling inadequate because we aren't on the same level as someone else.  Why should this matter... seriously... it is your life... and we all advance at different levels as well as being in a multitude of different situations that has shaped ones life in different paths.  Just follow your gut and stay in check with yourself.  You know yourself more than anyone else and you and only you can change what cocktail of life's activities that works best for you!